Cloud Gazing.....Part 1

She sat alone in the field, the colours of the misplaced and mismatched flowers the only comfort she was offered in such a lonely, lifeless place. She lay her head back against the grass and let the sunlight dance on her lids, much as she had done every since the summer had fought its way through the rainy spring.

As her eyes eased open she began to watch the clouds floating by, trying desperately to see the beauty in them that she used to, searching for the figures amongst them that used to materialise so easily. But they didn’t come- they never did, not without him.

“Eiffel tower…haven’t seen one of those in a while.”

The voice, though sudden, didn’t startle her, and she propped herself up on her elbows to see a man staring up at a familiarly shaped cloud.

“I was beginning to think you wouldn’t show.” She smiled as he sat down, cross-legged as a child, in front of her and began pulling at the grass.

“I wish I could say that.” He looked at her sincerely as her smile wavered slightly.

She forced her own eyes away from his, feeling a colour rise to her cheeks as she transfixed them on her feet stretched out in front of her.

“You’re alone again, then?” He looked at the grass. “Not that I’m surprised…it has been three years.”

She remained silent, resenting what she knew he would say next.

“When are you going to move on from this, Lily? It’s been so long and it’s just…not healthy.” His voice was soft, but she knew without looking that his expression was serious and staid.

“I…I was clearing up the other day…trying to…erase some old memories and I found…” Her false cheery voice faded away, leaving her unable to name the item in question. Instead, she pulled it out from under the collar of her dress, lifting it over her neck and holding it out to him.

He stared blankly down at the metal chain in her hand, his expression unreadable.

“It’s yours.”

“I know.”

They both stared at the item that neither of them wanted; curious as to how something so small and insignificant could cause such a torrent of pain to whoever possessed it. Slowly she closed her fingers around it and brought her hand back down to the grass beside her.

“Do you…want to talk about it?” He tried

She began to laugh.

“What?”

“This is ridiculous…it’s so…so ridiculous I can’t help laughing…I mean, if I don’t laugh I know I’ll only end up crying or... or screaming…” gradually her laughter disappeared, and her eyes locked into his, making it impossible for the tears pricking at her eyes to stay where she wanted them to.

“Please, don’t cry.” He sat forward slightly, his arm lifting as though in reflex to wipe away her tears, but falling down again as he realised once more that things weren’t how they used to be- he couldn’t touch her like used to- he couldn't comfort her or even hold her. Everything was different…painful and different.

She brushed furiously at her tears, angry at herself for being weak. “You wouldn’t think that after four years I’d still well up like a baby at one wrong word.”

“It will fade.” He said confidently.

Read more in Part 2